It’s my birthday in less than three months. The ‘Big One’. You know, the one that isn’t 30. Whilst outwardly I make out that I’m cool with it, the truth is I’m having a midlife meltdown.
In a bid to stay young, cool and relevant (despite only ever being one those three things) I recently found myself wanting to break away from the classic ‘mum’ wardrobe I’ve settled into of Breton stripes, skinny jeans and flats. This resulted in a brief dalliance with a pair of PVC leggings (£40 I’ll never get back) studded boots and a sudden, inexplicable predilection for an upper ear piercing or three.
Then there’s my sudden yearning for a tattoo. I’ve never wanted one before so why now I’m 39 and 3/4 are they suddenly so appealing? It’s like my mid-life crisis is determined to make its mark physically as well as mentally. Should I welcome this final youthful fashion fling and follow in Dame Judi Dench’s footsteps who got a tattoo at 81 and proved that it’s never too late to have fun? Or should I sidestep this crazy mid-life crisis and just, y’know, turn 40 on the down-low (can I even use phrases like ‘down-low’ at 39 3/4?)
If I do manage to avoid this pre-40-fit, I’m sure that when 50 swings around I won’t do anything as undignified as my dad who bought a pair of leather trousers and got his nipple pierced…
3 mid-life crisis alerts
You believe multiple piercings will suit you
As a teen, you totally missed the tummy button piercing boat. In your 20s the idea of a nose piercing = a ‘no thanks’. But now you can totally imagine yourself with a gold arrow through your upper lobe.
Body art becomes beautiful
While all your Uni friends were permanently painted with daffy ducks, Chinese symbols or butterflies (yes, it was the 90s) you stayed insistently ink-free. However, for some reason recently you found yourself thinking a little one might actually look quite chic.
Super-clubs have become the new supper club
You hate standing up in a pub, your favourite bit about clubbing in your 20s was the tea and toast at the end of the night and the best thing about socialising in your 30s are the abundance of dinner parties where both seats and snacks are always on offer. So why are you going to a super-club in Ibiza for the first time ever this summer? Yep, it’s for a 40th…